Sometimes I wonder about the tube drivers in this city. This happened earlier this month:

Tube driver (at the tube stop before Finchley Road station): This train will NOT be stopping at Finchley Road. I repeat, this train will NOT be stopping at Finchley Road.

(train pulls into Finchley Road, slows down, and stops, but the doors don't open)

Tube driver: This train will NOT be stopping at Finchley Road. (pause) I'm aware that we've actually stopped at Finchley Road, but we will not be stopping at Finchley Road.

This is the first time I've heard an entire tube carriage of people burst into laughter.

Conversation with my supervisor a couple of weeks ago:

him: "What's that website that a lot of young people look at on the Internet?"
me: "Facebook?"
him: "No, where people can change their status and things."
me: "Twitter?"
him: "No. It's been criticised for a lot of violent videos and things that have been posted on it."
me: "YouTube?"
him: "Yes. Thanks."

*blink*

I went to an Alicia Keys concert on Tuesday night. Having gotten on the tube home with as much of the population of the arena as could reasonably fit into the carriage, I resigned myself to standing for most of the way home, as did many other people, and put my iPod earphones in. Given the number of people in the carriage, people were pretty much standing everywhere, and there was a rather boisterous lot of middle-aged women standing near the doors.

The train stopped for a bit between stations for no apparent reason. Suddenly, I heard a man's distinctly Caribbean accent come over the speakers:

"Do not lean against the doors. I will cancel this train, you hear me?"


If that's not a truly Onion-Sauce! moment, I don't know what is.